We don’t use miles. Everything is measured in time. 'How far is it?' 'Oh, about twenty minutes.' Ope, see ya later then!"
You never get your Tupperware back. If you bring a dish to a potluck, that container now belongs to the Midwest void. It’s a gift to the community. mads.nakey midwestthangs.mp4
You don't just leave. You have to do the 'Midwest Goodbye.' It starts with a thigh-slap and a 'Welp, I suppose...' then you talk in the doorway for 45 minutes, then you talk by the car for another 20. We don’t use miles
It’s not a condiment; it’s a beverage. If it doesn't have ranch on it, is it even food? If you bring a dish to a potluck,
If you bump into someone, or if you almost bump into someone, or if you’re just existing in someone’s general vicinity, you have to say, 'Ope!' It’s not a choice, it’s a reflex. 'Ope, just gonna squeeze past ya there.'
We don't have hobbies; we have the weather. 'It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.' Or, 'We really needed this rain.'